My grandmother’s kitchen had an unspoken rule. It was never written down, but all of us grandkids knew it by heart. Try a little of everything. Make sure everyone gets their share. If something was left over and more than one of us wanted it, we split it.
I remember those handful of summers growing up, where time stretched out, and the adults weren’t checking the clock. The days were anchored by a family supper, and always ended the same way: something sweet. Pie some nights, ice cream on others. Nobody assigned portions. Nobody stood guard over the dessert plate.
We just knew that taking more than your share meant someone else went without theirs.
Leaving Early Again
Years later, I worked remotely for a startup, and twice a year my entire team got together for a few packed days of meetings and workshops, always capped with a team dinner. The team would always want to extend the night with one more drink or find some karaoke. I would always say goodbye and head home.
“Leaving early again,” someone would say. Or, “Stay a little longer.” It happened more than once, at more than one offsite. And every time, what I felt walking away wasn’t guilt. It was relief.
I didn’t think much about that relief at the time. I just knew when I was done. It wasn’t until years later that I recognized the feeling. It was the same one from my grandmother’s kitchen. I had taken my share of the night. The drinks, the karaoke, the hours after were what was left on the table, and I didn’t need them to feel like the evening had been enough.
Lagom
There’s a Swedish word for this: lagom. It means “just the right amount” or “not too much, not too little.” It’s an idea that asks what is enough for me while also leaving enough for others.
Scarcity says stay for all of it, because you don’t know when you’ll get access like this again. It says the extra hours prove your commitment, the last call proves your loyalty, and leaving early costs you something you’ll regret not having.
Sufficiency says you already know what you came for. The team dinner was what mattered. The rest was extra, available to whoever wanted it, and wanting it less wasn’t a failure. It was just an honest read of what I needed.
A Small Practice
Where are you still staying longer than you need to, just because you always have?
This week, pick one thing you’d normally stay for out of obligation or fear of missing something. A meeting that could end early. A gathering you’d normally be the last to leave. Take your share of it, the part that’s genuinely yours, and go home when that part is done.
See you next week.
P.S. What’s the version of “take your fair share” your grew up with, and when did it finally make sense to you?